who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize