The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
