The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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