I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
