I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
