I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just google imaged poop.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
