i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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