I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Oh god it's open bar.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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