We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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