is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
