I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
