I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Walk of Shame today included voting.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
