I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
