I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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