Swine flu. Run for my life!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
