At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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