remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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