at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
