He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize