I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
