i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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