I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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