i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
