My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
