somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
