if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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