I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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