I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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