Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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