I think im going to throw up on grandma
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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