I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
