I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
