Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize