He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
