I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
