Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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