i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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