It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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