We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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