is your mom at the bar?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
