I wannas sexs uuuuu
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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