Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
