I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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