She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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