I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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