I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
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