he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
