Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
