i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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