Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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