Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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