Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
