I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
