Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize