he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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