sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize