I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
