I got chris browned last night
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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