she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So much rum. So many feels.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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