we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
