we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
