What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
