she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
