ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
