yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
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