Old men and throwing up are my life now.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this boner is exhausting
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
