Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Where is the hickey?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
