yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
