Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My cat gives me a boner
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
