We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Randomize