Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
