Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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