It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
