i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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