you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
