I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
