If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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