I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so let's talk penis.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
