i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
