I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
