you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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