He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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