I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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