My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
