I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
