if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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