Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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