he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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