Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
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