The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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