My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
