Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
