You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
