Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
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