all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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