once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
