He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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