My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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