I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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