Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
