The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize