One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
