no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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