i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
