Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
