alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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