That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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