You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
