she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
