Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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